Gallagher Kids 003: Growing up and Michael Franti

Parker rarely is seen without his specs. But you can see in this video he looks almost like a different kid!

This video was taken on one of the sick days I spent with Parker at home the past two weeks. Celia missed out on this video. Enjoy!

Guest Post: 10 Steps to Driving Your Mother Absolutely and Totally Bonkers

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This list is not for the faint of heart. It takes dedication and spirit to be this infuriating. But, in 10 easy steps, you can watch your mother have a thirty three year old version of a temper tantrum that is truly entertaining.

1. Saying “I’m thirsty” 127 times in a row. Before 7am. When I know she hasn’t even made coffee yet.

2. Planting my elbow/shoulder/knee somewhere- anywhere on her body so she yelps in pain.

3. Slowly. Doing. Anything. Especially when “someone” is in a bit of a rush.

4. Insisting on redoing something that really is ridiculous but playing like if you aren’t allowed to redo in, you might start foaming at the mouth.

5. Calling her back into my bedroom not once but about seven times by saying,”I just want to tell you something.” Stretches out pre-bedtime unnecessarily. One of my favorite hobbies.

6. Repeating the word she said in a hushed whisper under her breath and shouting it. “GOD DAMMIT!” That will teach her.

7. Effectively repeating Mommy so many times that she locks herself in the bathroom and said she needs “privacy” (aka Oreos).

8. Learning the way around her pathological lying. When she says the donut place “doesn’t have donuts today,” I like to make statements that will really just make her feel super guilty. “I wonder if the children in that car got the last donuts?” Do you like your coffee served with a side of lifelong resentment, Mom? I thought so.

9. Realizing that we FORGOT to do the one thing we SAID we would do at the beach/mall/playground/museum/ pool and have a nuclear meltdown. It really helps seal the deal when she gets all “I’m an amazing Mom” at the end of an outing.

10. Dumping out a bin of toys. And then promptly leaving the room and not playing with one of said toys. Not. Even. One.

If you have any questions, or need help in driving your mother bonkers, just message me here. Mom is pretty good about passing along my messages.

Gallagher Kids 002: Getting dressed and Jay-Z

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Episode #2 is even better than #1, especially when Parker chimes in with his favorite Jay-Z song. Although, the “Peace out homies” got cut off at the end.

Enjoy!

Guest Post from Parker: Buck up, Mom. It’s Summer.

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Dear Mom,

I’ve tried to give you a preview of what’s in store for summer, but you still seem to be in denial. This summer, you need to bring your A game. Turn off the Real Housewives, put down that book that you’ve been waiting all year to read. It’s summer. And that means you give ME your full attention. Here’s some tips of how to really make it a great summer all around for me…okay, and Celia too.

Seven Ways to Have a Great Summer with Parker Gallagher

1. Be liberal with the sweet treats. Summer is about eating ice cream and S’mores until you are nauseous. Don’t be a buzz kill and enforce any “one sweet” rules. Don’t think I don’t see the little Oreo binge you have going on when you hide in the pantry. You’re not kidding anyone.

2. Screen Time Unlimited. Let’s just pretend it means you’re a better parent the MORE TV your kid watches. Because debating show/movie/IPad games with you is really exhausting. And, just wondering, when can I have my own Netflix account?

3. Nix the Naps. I will be 4 in December. I think it’s time to face facts. You need a nap more than I do. You are the adult here, Bridge. It’s time to have an extra cup of coffee and just let me play away the afternoon. My summer memories shouldn’t include the pitiful sadness I feel when when you sequester me to my room. It’s such a sad detail for the memoir I will someday write about my childhood.

4. P.S. I know you are not working. You’re a teacher. You have the summer off. Like two whole months. And I know you send me to preschool on some of those days. How do you sleep at night?

5. Negotiations. You really need to ratchet up your negotiation techniques for summer. You are too easily annoyed these days. I’m three and a half, it’s like my job not to take no for an answer.

6. Pajamas. They should be worn all day every day.

7. Sweetie Baby. Lets make a deal, I’ll play with the little sister and give you ten minutes of peace a day if you can maybe get her to stop biting me and putting on my shoes. That would be great, thanks.

Love,
Your Favorite Redhead
Parker

You’re Gonna Miss This

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You’re gonna miss this
You’re gonna want this back
You’re gonna wish these days
Hadn’t gone by so fast

These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you’re gonna miss this

-Trace Atkins “You’re Gonna Miss This”

This blog has been about three quarters meditations on motherhood and one quarter crazy thoughts on everything else. But, I hope, if anything, it’s been a great journal of all my parenting peaks and valleys.

Since I seem to observe more valleys than peaks, I’d like to share the true wonder of today and all of its peak-ness. :)

Today, I rushed to Parker’s preschool to see him “graduate” from the three year old room. He heads to the four year old room in the Fall. In the grand scheme of life, this is no big deal, but as I watched him file out, adorned in a homemade graduation cap with his name on it, I realized why I rushed there in the first place. Because, someday- in the not too distant future, there won’t be a party or a ceremony or a school event to run to. And I’m going to miss days like today. And even just walking away from his bedroom door after putting him to bed, I already do.

There are few days as a parent when you feel like you really nailed it (or at least your kid did). But today was one of those days for me.

1. Parker’s excitement when he saw me in the crowd. “HI MOM!”

2. Blowing kisses to me during the performance. In the special way I do before I put him to bed.

3. “Jesus Loves Me This I Know” song at graduation and all afternoon in the car. He even repeated the performance for our mechanic’s wife when we dropped off our car at their house.

4. The framed diploma he came home with. I have resisted taking a picture of it and posting it to every social media account I have.

5. Giving him his favorite dinner in celebration: pancakes and syrup.

6. The smell of his toddler breath as I hugged him tight in bed and told him I was proud.

7. The book he memorized and “read” to me at bedtime. And the sparkle in my husbsnd’s eyes when he told me, “Do you know he knows that whole book?”

8. The plastic penguin he insisted on talking to bed with him. There’s always some animal trinket he insists on taking as his companion.

9. Superman pajamas.

10. The way he says the word world like “wuh-llll-ed.”

And, as the sappy country song states, I’m going to miss this. All of it. Trying desperately just to hold onto it now.

10 Blog Posts You Wish I Wrote

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Lately life has been crazy– work, kids, home, all of it. Blogging has somehow made it to the back burner which only makes me feel itchy and incomplete. My blog usually centers me and gives me a great sense of purpose and drive. It’s always really meditative and stress relieving. So, now that I think of it, maybe my reasons for not blogging are exactly why I should be blogging. Note to self. Blog. No excuses.

Today I bring you the 10 blog posts I should have written over the past two weeks. Some of them I still might write, beware. If there’s one you really are dying to hear, comment and let me know!

1. Living with Nakedness: Sure Signs Your Child is a Future Nudist. In this brave post, I will chronicle Celia’s latest taking off her diaper phase. It’s really adorable. Well, except for the poopy ones.

2. The Best Day of My Life: The Day I Figured out My Husband Dances Like John Travolta in Pulp Fiction Yes, it’s true. I’m not bragging, it’s just a great little caveat of my marriage that I only recently discovered. I will rent out said dancing husband for weddings and parties. A fee will apply.

3. Becoming a Chocolate Bunny: My Self Tanner Story In case you are wondering, you can scrub off the streaks if you don’t mind a little redness after:)

4. My One Year old Can Put on Her Shoes but My Three Year Old Can’t: Stories of Shaming Parker. This one is self-explanatory.

5. Water Sprinklers: Entertainment for Hours and You Just Get to Sit There It’s been a long week. That’s all I got.

6. Finding Doris. My story of finding out my husband’s hairdresser “Doris” was not the 60 year old woman I thought she was. She is younger, much younger. And pretty. No one dies a Dateline-esque death in this post, I promise.

7. Praise Jesus, She Finally Watches TV and Other Happy Milestones in Celia’s Toddlerhood.

8. How Many Times a Week is Too Many to Have Dino Nuggets for Dinner? The answer is somewhere between 4 and 7. But certainly not less then 4.

9. Pedicures Are the Only Me Time You Can Get. So it’s time to work them into the monthly budget. Start with 2 per month and go up as needed from there:)

10. “Stop Bothering Me!” When You Deal With Teenagers at Work and Toddlers at Home. Dear Lord.

I promise I won’t ever take so long of a break again. Missed you guys!

Guest Post from Parker: Stop Your Lying, Mom, for real

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Here’s some gems Mom has been feeding to me lately. This woman is full of malarkey and the world needs to know about it. I mean, who does she think she’s kidding here– little miss Fire Biter over there? Let’s get real, Mom. I’m not feeling these lies.

1. “If you are not good, we are sending Buzz Lightyear on vacation.”

Pfft. Oh really? How creative! Don’t you really mean, “if you don’t stop your crap we’re going to put him on top of the fridge again and torture you all day long but then give him back to you anyway.” Yeah, you know he doesn’t go on vacation. Have you even SEEN the movie?

2. “You need to take a nap because Mommy needs to take a nap.”

Oh right! Well, this is only true if by nap you mean “watch Pitch Perfect and do her nails.”

3. “I don’t know where your trumpet went. We’ll have to keep looking.”

How many more years are you going to keep up this story that its “lost”? You threw it in the garbage and you know it. You hated that trumpet and you have forever stifled my musical talent because of it.

4. “We’ll go outside later, it’s too cold.”

Yeah, that never stops Miss Bridgette when she wants to powerwalk with the stroller to Starbucks for a coffee now does it? Priorities, Mom. Come on. I’m not the most athletic kid, do you think you could play ball with me and at least give me a shot?

5. “The Ipad is broken. Your games don’t work.”

Yeah, it must only be able to go on Pinterest and Facebook. And check your email. And listen to your favorite Pandora station.

6. “If you don’t eat your whole dinner, you won’t get big like Daddy.”

You told me I used to be a tiny baby. I have quadrupled my size and doubled my height in three years. How many inches has Mr. Eggs for Breakfast grown recently? And I haven’t noticed YOU sprouting up with all your vegetable eating.

7. “There’s chocolate in it.”

Seriously, woman. I barely eat as it is. Do you really think chocolate is going to make everything better? What about when I figure out that the “chocolate log” was actually sausage? How much therapy will help me recover from that lie?

8. “You should know better, you’re sister is littler than you.”

Okay, maybe she is shorter but she has a ridiculous right hook. She also has bitten me on every appendage and twice on my back. I sleep with one eye open and never put my back to her in the bath. I live my life terrified and you think I’m the big bully. Great, just great.”

9. “When you save enough money in your piggy bank, maybe you can buy that.”

Oh, okay. We’ll put my hopes and dreams on the back burner so you can get those new heels. Go ahead, treat yo’self Shortcut Girl, no one’s stealing from your piggy bank, right? Oh, and where did my Easter money go from Grand Mom. Nice, Mom, real nice.

10. “You can’t watch another show, your brain won’t grow.”

Ooooooooh! So that’s it! Instead let’s play watch Parker dump out all the toys on the floor. And then maybe a little game of toilet paper tag. What? Oh, I can watch a show now? Oh, thanks! (SUCKER!)