Today marks the ninth anniversary of my husband’s first attempt to flirt with me– at a co-worker’s holiday party. It was both sweet and ridiculous, embarrassing and hilarious. It just depends on who you are in the story.
Today I bring you 4 Ways to Woo Your Woman:
1. At work, invite her into your office or classroom for snacks, preferably bagels. Also offer her an Uncle Ben’s breakfast in a bowl and tell her how good they are.
2. Make conversation. “What are your plans for the holiday? Are you going to _____’s party?” Find out where you might be able to catch her again– outside of work.
3. At the party that evening, make good conversation with her as you play darts. Be witty and interesting– make her want to stay at the party a little longer.
4. (This is the clincher) When you have some bad gas and are embarrassed by the smell you have created—blame it on her! Adopting 4th grade flirtation rituals is totally normal! Embarrass her and make sure she gets super uncomfortable– and leaves. Here’s where the trick lies. Confuse the hell out of her. Force her to tell herself, “Wow, I guess he doesn’t like me…” so that she might accept your invitation to happy hour weeks later, just to try to clear up her confusion.
By mid-January, you will have yourself a girlfriend.
And the rest, as they say, is history.
Now, isn’t this a sweet story to tell our children someday?