Mommy Monday: The Summer She Lost Her Mind

I’m a good Mom. Okay, I’m a great Mom.

I do arts and crafts (coloring books with fancy–like sparkly crayons), speak different languages (Dora and NiHo Kailan), discuss and expose my children to the animal kingdom (petting zoos and parks with ducks), eat ethnic foods (buttered Naan a.k.a. “butter sandwich”) and most definitely expose them to culture and the arts (banjo player at a street fair, thank you very much!).

But the Mom Gods have been throwing me curveballs today. And so, I want to give a standing ovation (stand up, dammit!) to my stay at home Mom friends. Not only am I impressed by them but I am also wondering what kind of therapy slash medication they have been relying on.

Today, in Summary. Let’s Run the Numbers:

    72 threats to throw away toys, send them to good children in foreign nations and/ or well behaved neighbors (The pitfall is that now when Parker does something wrong, he makes a request of where it should go, “You give it to Declan?” Uhm, NO. I’m not going to give your toys to your friend–that’s just all my Mommy arsenal had left at that point in the morning.)

    6 brother on sister bullying incidents including one bite.

    5 time outs related to said bullying. 500 tears were shed during these timeouts cumulatively. Only some of those by Mommy herself.

    1 child took a nap (I have two, so that’s bad- especially considering the 10 month old didn’t sleep)

    37 “I want…” related conversations (and only one child can talk).

    1 incident of an entire loaf of bread getting intentionally squished in the grocery store.

    5 miles covered in jogging stroller in an effort not to lose my mind (didn’t really work and very sore now)

    24 trips to the potty seat to pee a thimble worth of toddler pee.

    2 1/2 hours spent in the car looking for an open blueberry farm (apparently farms close on Mondays?). We went to two. More tears resulted.

    9 minutes spent with potty training toddler in porta-potty.

    10 minutes Mommy spent in the corner of the kitchen where no child could see me.

    9 moments of “I don’t think I can take this.”

    0 minutes spent showering

Good night and God help all the crazy mothers who do this 12 months a year.

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