18 Things That Happened on My Mid-Winter Vacation:

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1. Celia ate chalk. We’re looking into the reasons for it but my guess is when I handed her chalk and a dollar store chalkboard she thought, “CANDY!”

2. Parker almost committed his first shoplifting offense after being told we wouldn’t buy him something. We’re pretty sure the lady at the shoe store hated us.

3. I almost concussed myself on a waterslide.

4. I went around a lazy river no less than 25 times.

5. Celia became obsessed with hot tubs.

6. We went to a cafeteria style dinner place where the median age was 73. My husband had fond memories of it when he was a kid.

7. I read three books and listened to one on tape. I feel like a ninja of reading.

8. I watched 46 Olympic events. None of them were the two hockey games I should have watched.

9. I bartered for good behavior with lollipops. Kept strategically in the glove compartment. Consequently, I pulled many sticky pieces of lollipop out of toddler hair. This caused a lot crying and toddler left hooks. I’m rethinking my bartering strategies now.

10. I spent 27 minutes cumulatively in public bathrooms. Much too long. One visit was spent trying not to get a chicken tender “germy” while one toddler peed. What? You don’t feed your child while walking to the bathroom at the zoo? Oh, I see. You’re lazy.

11. My two year old peed her pants 13 times. Us putting a diaper on her for an 8 hour ride might have confused her. But, eh, we’re a little lazy.

12. I refereed 16 fights over Legos.

13. I told my husband about my first trip to Myrtle Beach for cheerleading nationals and immediately regretted it. “Nationals? Like you were a national sensation? Were you on the top or the bottom of the pyramid?”

14. I drank an average of 13 diet cokes a day.

15. I took more pictures than any social media site wants to see of a five day vacation.

16. I recorded my husband’s snoring and them sent it to him via text which consequently woke him up. #oops.

17. I went to one of those sushi places where you pick things off a conveyor belt as it went by and got the worst case of menu indecisiveness ever. Do I want it? Do I? Do I? Okay, well, maybe, um, okay- grab it, oh– darn! Oh well, it will come back around.

18. I started to miss home. Not the snow, not the cold but the home sweet home-ness of where I live.

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