Guest Post from Celia: “Get Away From Me”


This is the first post of many. I finally wrestled the Ipad away from Mom while she was shopping for Valentines gifts for—herself I think? I mean, she’s not getting Dad flannel heart pajamas, right?

I have been a quiet and rather docile creature thus far. I only scream
Bloody murder when my mother brushes my hair or my teeth. And I’ve only given her a left hook once when she wouldn’t let me out of timeout.

But lately I’m feeling a little restless, looking to mix things up a little. Playing with Legos and puzzles gets boring unless you have some tricks.
So, here’s my list of tricks for any gal trying to inject a little crazy into her life.

1. Don’t go to sleep. Advertise this by singing at a loud volume from your room. Push it, though. Make sure you stay up until 9:30 a couple times or you won’t really worry them.

2. I play a great game I call “Mommy Freakout” sometimes. It can be started in a variety of ways. One time it was a red pen and the wall. One time I bolted across a parking lot to her screaming and pleading. Another time I pooped my pants and didn’t tell her. (I don’t wear diapers so this is like really, really awesome).

3. “You’re a bebe.” One time I had my older brother paralyzed at the table, crying like a–an—infant? Because I was calling him a baby. Everytime he tried to tell Mom and Dad, I would chime in with my favorite new sentence. Three little words brought the little Spider-man worshipping twerp to his knees.

4. I like food, but especially other people’s food. Your juice, your eggs, your milk, your cookies and your cereal all look so much better than mine so, do you think? You could–okay, yep, let me have that. Thanks.

5. Grumpy Ninja Sister- sometimes my brother ticks me off. He hogs the Ipad, he doesn’t let me have the Batman figure or he gets the last brownie. So, I just make him pay. A little hair pull here, a little hiding favorite Superman PJ’s there. Maybe it’s just wiggling into his seat and spilling his milk. No matter what, you have to be committed to it. You can’t pull a ninja move and always get away with it. You have to follow it up with the tough girl reply, “Get away from me.” Although, when “Get away from me” is said to your Daddy, watch out. That was kind of bad. And awkward. But mostly bad.

6. Learn how to act. It’s not easy to fake a hurt cry but sometimes, when he’s already on the bad list, it’s kind of fun to pretend cry and yell, “DON’T HIT ME!” That gets everyone upset, even Mr. Lego Fantatic which is kind of what you’re going for unless your parents saw what really happened and in that case, you’re kind of done-zo.

7. Learn a song. Sing it to yourself while playing. They will be reminded of your sweet innocence while also trying to figure out who unrolled all the toilet paper. Maybe this time they’ll keep quiet.

More later. Gotta go watch some sweet Olympic Games.

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