When It’s Clear You’ve Lost Control: 5 Follies of Motherhood

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There’s no question I have very vulnerably relayed to you my faults as a parent. There’s screen time, leaving the window down in the car wash, losing my patience and, well, just good old fashioned, “You’re driving me CRAZY!” But this week, I have noticed that I have clearly lost all control and it might be time for an intervention.

You see, I’m a control girl. Although I would like to be perceived as carefree and so flexible. I enjoy control. I organize dinners, happy hours and parties for friends. I like to rally the troops for someone’s birthday or special occasion. Control I do well. It suits me. I am organized, systematic and have a list to tick off (in color coordinated check boxes) in every single area of my life.

Well, until Motherhood.

Example #1: Day care provider greets me outside the door of day care when I go for pick up. Little angel girl spent a good part of her nap playing with her poop. While this is gross, I am slightly relieved that it happened at day care (Sorry, Heather) and make mental notes to a) buy a video monitor and b) ease up on the fruit I feed the little one.

Example #2: While Slap Fest Part 13 is going on in the backseat and I am trying to listen to a podcast while driving, Parker said to Celia, “Celia, I’m going to tell [the babysitter] about your behavior.” As if his mother was not even there, driving. Hey kid, what about the adult that was IN THE CAR WITH YOU when you did that? Aren’t you worried about her wrath? (Answer: No)

Example #3: Yesterday, we took a snack from Child A just to make Child B stop crying for the snack. Even when Child A cried, it wasn’t nearly as bad as Child B’s whiney and ever so dramatic blubbering. We realize we will not be asked to be on the cover of Parents anytime soon. But, well, you would have done the same thing!

Example #4: After a million battles of wills for three days straight, I use my amazing Mommy Skillz to create a New and Improved Behavior Chart. In this chart, Parker will get a sticker every time he does something the FIRST time I ask. We role played me asking and him doing and he seemed to get it and was overall more agreeable. This morning, when I got him out of bed, he was acting ever so cooperative. I assured him that this behavior would guarantee him a sticker. Then, he asked me for milk. I conceded and said I would get it for him when I got downstairs. This statement followed, “Mommy, you are being so good getting me my milk that I will give you a sticker too for your good behavior. “ My kid just created a behavior chart so that I will get things for him the first time he asks. It will forever be a question who is raising who in this family.

Example #5: When I told Parker he could not watch a movie on the Ipad but he could play a game he said, “I will just trick you and watch a movie instead.” The Ipad has been hidden until further notice. At a later date, it may be valuable to teach him that you shouldn’t tell someone you are tricking them when you are tricking them.

So, when you think you are having the worst parenting day ever and cannot even muster up another ounce of energy to deal with the uber tactical negotiation techniques of your little person, just think of how I have clearly lost control of mine and that should make you feel a.) not so bad and b.) sorry for me.

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